The lab potted plants get more attention than you do from your boss. You've even tried to schedule weekly meetings with her/him--to no avail.
That one technician/student/postoc who looks at the boss with starcrossed eyes is on every paper that's come out of the lab since they've joined, and she/he doesn't even know how to refill the carboy of milli-Q water.
You're boss starts saying things like, "Why can't you be more like Isabella (the perfect postdoc)? She does these experiments without trouble and always has good results".
Someone in the lab (could it be the Favorite?) has been to every conference on the continent, while others with greater seniority have not been to a single one.
There are no labmeetings unless The Favorite is present.
You've created an excel spreadsheet calculating the costs of having "I'm the favorite Postdoc" T-shirts printed and distributing them to each lab member.
Your blogspot entries read like Acts from a Shakespearean tragedy
You've photoshopped your boss's head onto that of Dr. Evil (and briefly considered printing T-shirts).
You start collecting stories of Scientists Behaving Badly and spend more time looking for another job than you do reading scientific papers.
Your boss begins to look at you like you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar, and you feel guilty somehow though you're not sure why.
Showing posts with label Top 10 list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top 10 list. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, May 07, 2007
Top 10 signs you're working for Dr. Evil, Ph.D.
Top 10 list
10. If you've looked into prices for having T-shirts printed that say "I'm the favorite", you might be working for Dr. Evil.
9. If you're staying in the lab until 11 pm most nights and working weekends and the boss still says you're not working hard enough, or aren't efficient (like Isabelle, the irreproachable postdoc), you just might possibly be working for Dr. Evil.
8. If you can't get enough mutant mice to do your experiments because there's not enough space for your mice in the animal facility, it's all your fault.
7. Likewise, if the technicians at our "state-of-the-art" mouse facility don't respond to your emails, the "communication problem" is clearly all your fault.
6. If we no longer have money to do experiments it's definitely not because the boss ordered to have mice shipped from New York (costing over 1000 Euros) which you didn't even use.
5. If your mice die because we work in a state-of-the-art Institute without air conditioning and you left the window open so sweat wouldn't run off your brow into the open wound of the mouse whose poor guts were exposed, it's all your fault that the mouse dies from an infection.
4. If you kindly suggest that genotyping compound heterozygous mice and analyzing embryos is not really your strong suit and in addition will take you away from studies that will actually contribute to you publishing a paper, you must just be a lazy, sucky, worthless post-doc who's not as good as Dr. M, or Dr. F.M., or any other previous lab member who now has their own lab (or Isabella).
3. If you leave your computer plugged in to make it look like you're working and a) go to the mall, b) go for a "French lunch" (2 hours minimum), c) call your mother. Yep it's Dr. Evil, who's your boss baby.
2. Rather than actually helping you troubleshoot your experiments, Dr. Evil instead spends thousands of Euros to send you to another lab (or to London).
1. Somehow, even though you've just discovered a new muscle stem cell marker that will cure muscle wasting diseases, you're STILL not as good as any other former lab member.
10. If you've looked into prices for having T-shirts printed that say "I'm the favorite", you might be working for Dr. Evil.
9. If you're staying in the lab until 11 pm most nights and working weekends and the boss still says you're not working hard enough, or aren't efficient (like Isabelle, the irreproachable postdoc), you just might possibly be working for Dr. Evil.
8. If you can't get enough mutant mice to do your experiments because there's not enough space for your mice in the animal facility, it's all your fault.
7. Likewise, if the technicians at our "state-of-the-art" mouse facility don't respond to your emails, the "communication problem" is clearly all your fault.
6. If we no longer have money to do experiments it's definitely not because the boss ordered to have mice shipped from New York (costing over 1000 Euros) which you didn't even use.
5. If your mice die because we work in a state-of-the-art Institute without air conditioning and you left the window open so sweat wouldn't run off your brow into the open wound of the mouse whose poor guts were exposed, it's all your fault that the mouse dies from an infection.
4. If you kindly suggest that genotyping compound heterozygous mice and analyzing embryos is not really your strong suit and in addition will take you away from studies that will actually contribute to you publishing a paper, you must just be a lazy, sucky, worthless post-doc who's not as good as Dr. M, or Dr. F.M., or any other previous lab member who now has their own lab (or Isabella).
3. If you leave your computer plugged in to make it look like you're working and a) go to the mall, b) go for a "French lunch" (2 hours minimum), c) call your mother. Yep it's Dr. Evil, who's your boss baby.
2. Rather than actually helping you troubleshoot your experiments, Dr. Evil instead spends thousands of Euros to send you to another lab (or to London).
1. Somehow, even though you've just discovered a new muscle stem cell marker that will cure muscle wasting diseases, you're STILL not as good as any other former lab member.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Top ten things I learned in Croatia
Top 10 list
1. If you travel among the small islands of Croatia, you will quite possibly be be required to place your trust in a, let us say, non-traditional taxi service, whose sole proprietor is a dude named Ivan. I counted on random dude Ivan to give me a lift to Zadar (45 mins away) at 6 am. You should have seen me sweat when he didn't show up till 6:08 am.
2. When you sign up for a sailing course in Croatia and they say that instruction is given in English, beware. One lesson coming from living abroad is that people are most comfortable speaking in their mother tounge, and will often do so in a large group, regardless of whether you can understand them or not. So cheer up! It's not a lonely time. Just pretend you are in a James Bond movie. Pretend they are the Russian villans and you are the super-hot sidekick to James Bond.
3. Never trust the ferry boat schedule posted on the internet. Or the one in your 2-year-old and seriously outdated Croatian guide book. (See lesson in previous posting on traveling to Morocco). All in all, never trust ferries if you really have to be somewhere on time. Perhaps I'll finally learn this one lesson myself.
4. That "modern highway" that replaced the coastal ferry service in Croatia isn't exactly the Ohio turnpike. In fact, if there has been a big enough rock slide, you may be required to get out of the bus and push. And don't think you'll get to sleep on this 6 hour ride from Istria to the Southern regions near Zadar. Yeah, by the way, if you get vertigo, don't sit on the side of the bus with The View. You might see the ghosts of Vacations Past flit before your eyes.
5. Take the plane next time. 32 hours return travel time from Island Murter in Croatia to Paris, starting with Dude Called Ivan's taxi, ferry boat, walk to train station, train to Milan without a single place to sit, even in the aisle- I had to share a space with my bags for 4 hours thanks very much, then train from Milan overnight to Paris- where there was a problem with my ticket that the very nice ticket agent in the special office for first class failed to notice that my ticket was stamped for TOMORROW night. Dude, I've been on vacation for 2 weeks, I've got no friggin clue what the date is today!
1. If you travel among the small islands of Croatia, you will quite possibly be be required to place your trust in a, let us say, non-traditional taxi service, whose sole proprietor is a dude named Ivan. I counted on random dude Ivan to give me a lift to Zadar (45 mins away) at 6 am. You should have seen me sweat when he didn't show up till 6:08 am.
2. When you sign up for a sailing course in Croatia and they say that instruction is given in English, beware. One lesson coming from living abroad is that people are most comfortable speaking in their mother tounge, and will often do so in a large group, regardless of whether you can understand them or not. So cheer up! It's not a lonely time. Just pretend you are in a James Bond movie. Pretend they are the Russian villans and you are the super-hot sidekick to James Bond.
3. Never trust the ferry boat schedule posted on the internet. Or the one in your 2-year-old and seriously outdated Croatian guide book. (See lesson in previous posting on traveling to Morocco). All in all, never trust ferries if you really have to be somewhere on time. Perhaps I'll finally learn this one lesson myself.
4. That "modern highway" that replaced the coastal ferry service in Croatia isn't exactly the Ohio turnpike. In fact, if there has been a big enough rock slide, you may be required to get out of the bus and push. And don't think you'll get to sleep on this 6 hour ride from Istria to the Southern regions near Zadar. Yeah, by the way, if you get vertigo, don't sit on the side of the bus with The View. You might see the ghosts of Vacations Past flit before your eyes.
5. Take the plane next time. 32 hours return travel time from Island Murter in Croatia to Paris, starting with Dude Called Ivan's taxi, ferry boat, walk to train station, train to Milan without a single place to sit, even in the aisle- I had to share a space with my bags for 4 hours thanks very much, then train from Milan overnight to Paris- where there was a problem with my ticket that the very nice ticket agent in the special office for first class failed to notice that my ticket was stamped for TOMORROW night. Dude, I've been on vacation for 2 weeks, I've got no friggin clue what the date is today!
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